Tag: anxiety

06-01-19 Journal entry re: ed2go class

I’m struggling here. I’ve been really hesitant to try to learn how to podcast, but I’ve listened to a few, as part of an assignment, and now I really want to be able to make them. To be perfectly honest, a big part of my problem with doing it is that I’ve always really hated hearing the sound of my own voice when I’ve been recorded in meetings and such. I sound just like my sister, and we sound like such hicks! (That’s what happens sometimes when you grow up in the South…) Is that how I sound?  Like most people, I guess, I assume I sound like the trained voices we all hear in the media all day. It will be even worse when I try a make a video! I don’t even take selfies because I’m shocked at the old woman who’s looking back at me! Who is that? Is that what I look like now? And add to that my total lack of confidence with all this techno-talk.

But onward thru the fog…

So, I downloaded Voice Recorder Pro onto my (very old) 5C iPhone. Because I don’t understand computer/tech jargon, I’m not sure at all what I’m doing. I did record a small snippet just to hear how it sounds. It was kind of fun. (And I didn’t gag!) Loved how easy it was to convert to MP3 and email to myself. Not sure how to access it on my PC, though, except through the download list. 

Then I remembered that I have an old iPad that I was given years ago through a grant from the local Autism Foundation. I never learned how to use it (surprise!), but every once in a while I charge it up and turn it on and look at all the things it could do and play with it for a minute, until I get overwhelmed and set it back down. Now I’m wondering if it might record and/or video better than my old iPhone? (Crap! Something else to learn?! At 68, I’m feeling like an old dog, not so good at new tricks.) Then when I’m forced to look at apps (there are so many!), I see that some are speak-to-text. I think I would like that feature. One podcast I just found offered a transcript that could be downloaded. Sometimes I would rather read at my own pace than listen.

So, for now, back to the Learning Path>>>>>

P.S. I wrote this over a week ago. My online class will only be available another week, and I’ve been taking screenshots of everything so I can have more time to figure it all out. (At least I’ve learned how to do that…) Since the introduction of podcasting, I haven’t made any more real progress in the class. I still haven’t attempted to make an actual podcast, nor have I written any more blog posts. I’ve been having a really hard time making myself learn these things that I don’t know how to do!  And I don’t understand the explanations! Fear of screwing up is giving me panic attacks! I feel anxiety tightening my gut at just writing this. Agh!!! Self-condemnation is telling me I can’t do it. But I say: it can’t be that hard; plenty of people (millions?) —some of whom are no smarter than I am — are doing these things every day. (Please help me, Lord! Thank You. I know You will. All I have to do is trust and obey and get out of the way. I’m trying. Probably sometimes very trying…) If you’re personally so inclined, say a little prayer for me and maybe send me some encouragement.

In the process, I’ve learned that procrastination definitely has an upside: I’ve gotten all my ceiling fans cleaned instead!

So click here for today’s song that has become my theme song lately: Jason’s Gray’s “Glow in the Dark”– TURN IT UP AND DANCE WITH ME!